Friday, April 12, 2013
Fuck love
It's the worst emotion of them all. I hate it. I fell in love with and she fell out of love with me. I would have done anything to get her back and I did. I gave up everything for her and she questions my emotions towards her. Are you fucking serious. She doesn't trust me that's fucking insane. That's right I came home, moved back in with ppl I hate , owe the government 18g's, took her on a cruise, gave her a MacBook, help with her homework , help study for tests, and want to move in with her just so I can cheat and lie to her. I don't go through her stuff , if her Facebook is left open I don't go through her messages, but fine she wants to be alone and focus on school , fine. I'll sit in my basement , lamenting over the fact I am there because of love, I'll slowing pay back the money knowing it was because of love. But fuck it I'll never be in love again.
I can't believe she doesn't trust me, she's the one that communicates with her e about how he want a to visit and he wants to fuck her , she's the one who has dudes I never met and who don't know I exist spending the night.
Monday, February 25, 2013
The Truth
What's the truth
I believe it does that make it true. If you don't does that make it a lie. Tell a girl your in love with her , she's the only girl you, you want to spend your life with her, if she doesn't believe you is that a lie. When you tell the truth and it sounds unbelievable, is that a lie. I've told lies and usually they go over better then the truth. You tell the truth and you usually in end up worse then if you just thought of a good lie. Fuck the truth
I believe it does that make it true. If you don't does that make it a lie. Tell a girl your in love with her , she's the only girl you, you want to spend your life with her, if she doesn't believe you is that a lie. When you tell the truth and it sounds unbelievable, is that a lie. I've told lies and usually they go over better then the truth. You tell the truth and you usually in end up worse then if you just thought of a good lie. Fuck the truth
Monday, May 17, 2010
I stand corrected
For a long time now I had idea what people meant by keeping it 100, but after this weekend I now know. The crazy part is that the people that are always yelling keep it 100 or claiming they keep 100 are always the fakest mother fucking people. I am generally nice to everybody but the people i dont like I really could give 2 shits about. O but not these people. I never understood how you could go around bad mouthing some1 for months an as soon as you get around them you switch it up an act like thats your bff. Maybe im wrong but I really feel like its a female trait.
So these chicks are claiming how they hate this chicks guts, how shes so annoying ,how shes so emotional, etc...but as soon as she needs something they are the first 1s to coddle her. Granted she was drunk an needed help but like I said before if some1 I didnt like was drunk an needed help, I hope they dont die but im damn sure not gonna b the 1 that takes care of them. They are even talking about this girl while they are taking care of her. WTF.
*SIDENOTE*
How is some1 that claims to be my lil sister gonna come at me when im trying to help, honestly if it wasnt 4 my bestfriend I mighta strangled her.
So these chicks are claiming how they hate this chicks guts, how shes so annoying ,how shes so emotional, etc...but as soon as she needs something they are the first 1s to coddle her. Granted she was drunk an needed help but like I said before if some1 I didnt like was drunk an needed help, I hope they dont die but im damn sure not gonna b the 1 that takes care of them. They are even talking about this girl while they are taking care of her. WTF.
*SIDENOTE*
How is some1 that claims to be my lil sister gonna come at me when im trying to help, honestly if it wasnt 4 my bestfriend I mighta strangled her.
Friday, November 13, 2009
2009: Quite literally the worst year of my life
Well you read the title, you know what this ones about. Honestly its really sad that 2009 has become what is has become because the end of 07 and all of 08 were the greatest time ever.
The end of 2007, which seems so long ago, was the beginning of my senior year of high school. And if I compare the things that I had then compared to now it amazes me. I was in school (getting decent grades actually), a ridiculous amount of friends, a girl that I was actually involved with, and by the start of 2007 I had a job that I was having fun at. On top of that I had, not the greatest but an actual tolerable relationship with my parents. Looking back on school, I had 2 teachers that I would never forget, Ms.Bowers and Ms.Miller. Ms. Miller was the classic hot English teacher that I think every guy has. Not only that though she was super cool and stupid smart. She taught me a new love for reading and writing that I used to have but died down until that class. Also unbeknownst to here I loved anything and everything that had to do with ancient times or mythology an it just so happens that, that was the majority of what we read and write about. Now Ms Bowers was the like the type of teacher you can relate to. It was her first class ever (and her last) that she taught so it was not only her time teaching environmental science but it was my first learning it. She was the first teacher Ive ever had that treated me like the adult that I was becoming. She didn't mind that we were late occasionally, or that we ate McDonald's, or that sometimes I could just sit in her class and just talk. It was my senior year what can I say, it was awesome. I had a girl (not a girlfriend but we might as well have been)that were growing closer and apart at the same time. Either way it was great and I miss it now. By the time I graduated I had some of the greatest times ever in high school and was ready for college. I left for college in August to learn to cook. The school Nicholls State in Louisiana. Granted it was a mostly white school but it was the most fun Ive ever had. While I was down there my father called me an asked if he could borrow a few thousand dollars. (I don't remember now how much it was and I don't plan on getting it back now). Little did I know at the time that, that one event would single handily change the events of my life for the worse. I only had one stipulation with "loan", I needed that money back by the beginning of my next semester. Of course me being me and my family being by family that didn't happen. And with that I entered the shit storm that is 2009
I came home and still gave my father the benefit of the doubt and was expecting to be repaid before the deadline of my second semester starting. Once that didn't happen I made a the stupid decision to pay about $1500 so that I wouldn't have to pay back the $16000 loan that i got to go to school. A smart person would have actually attended the classes that they paid $1500 for but not me. I decided to pay for it then forget about it. I decided to go on a cruise for my birthday with my best friend and his family. It was fun, crazy, emotional all wrapped into one. This was the first time that I have fell as they say "head over heels" for a girl. In my opinion to this day she was perfect. We fooled around a lil bit but nothing to serious. A part of me knew it wouldn't be the same off as it was on but I had hope. She sent me texts that gave me that hope. One day about a week after the cruise I sat at the top of my basement steps and everything hit that was happening hit me in waves. I wasn't gonna get paid back, which meant I had to live with my parents, I lost the girl of my dreams, and apart of was tired of it. It wasn't the first time I thought about killing myself but it was the first time I seriously considered doing it. I have to give a huge thank you to Taylor Medlock, whether she knows it or not she kept me from committing suicide. For this I will always love her. So after all of this I spent some time bouncing from job to job, and girl to girl. My father being a realtor and my mother retired (which still causes me confusion to this day cause she was always the breadwinner) they were rapidly losing money when the market fell off and now houses where being sold. This caused my father to be a taxi driver now and my mother to claim shes been looking for a job for the past like 16 months which I think is a joke. Now I'm waiting to leave for this job with the government (which was a last result) that I didn't want to take. The only upside to it is that now I am guaranteed money, alot of it and I wont be in my parents house for another year if its the last thing I do. Well its a month and a half left in 09 maybe something good will happen.
The end of 2007, which seems so long ago, was the beginning of my senior year of high school. And if I compare the things that I had then compared to now it amazes me. I was in school (getting decent grades actually), a ridiculous amount of friends, a girl that I was actually involved with, and by the start of 2007 I had a job that I was having fun at. On top of that I had, not the greatest but an actual tolerable relationship with my parents. Looking back on school, I had 2 teachers that I would never forget, Ms.Bowers and Ms.Miller. Ms. Miller was the classic hot English teacher that I think every guy has. Not only that though she was super cool and stupid smart. She taught me a new love for reading and writing that I used to have but died down until that class. Also unbeknownst to here I loved anything and everything that had to do with ancient times or mythology an it just so happens that, that was the majority of what we read and write about. Now Ms Bowers was the like the type of teacher you can relate to. It was her first class ever (and her last) that she taught so it was not only her time teaching environmental science but it was my first learning it. She was the first teacher Ive ever had that treated me like the adult that I was becoming. She didn't mind that we were late occasionally, or that we ate McDonald's, or that sometimes I could just sit in her class and just talk. It was my senior year what can I say, it was awesome. I had a girl (not a girlfriend but we might as well have been)that were growing closer and apart at the same time. Either way it was great and I miss it now. By the time I graduated I had some of the greatest times ever in high school and was ready for college. I left for college in August to learn to cook. The school Nicholls State in Louisiana. Granted it was a mostly white school but it was the most fun Ive ever had. While I was down there my father called me an asked if he could borrow a few thousand dollars. (I don't remember now how much it was and I don't plan on getting it back now). Little did I know at the time that, that one event would single handily change the events of my life for the worse. I only had one stipulation with "loan", I needed that money back by the beginning of my next semester. Of course me being me and my family being by family that didn't happen. And with that I entered the shit storm that is 2009
I came home and still gave my father the benefit of the doubt and was expecting to be repaid before the deadline of my second semester starting. Once that didn't happen I made a the stupid decision to pay about $1500 so that I wouldn't have to pay back the $16000 loan that i got to go to school. A smart person would have actually attended the classes that they paid $1500 for but not me. I decided to pay for it then forget about it. I decided to go on a cruise for my birthday with my best friend and his family. It was fun, crazy, emotional all wrapped into one. This was the first time that I have fell as they say "head over heels" for a girl. In my opinion to this day she was perfect. We fooled around a lil bit but nothing to serious. A part of me knew it wouldn't be the same off as it was on but I had hope. She sent me texts that gave me that hope. One day about a week after the cruise I sat at the top of my basement steps and everything hit that was happening hit me in waves. I wasn't gonna get paid back, which meant I had to live with my parents, I lost the girl of my dreams, and apart of was tired of it. It wasn't the first time I thought about killing myself but it was the first time I seriously considered doing it. I have to give a huge thank you to Taylor Medlock, whether she knows it or not she kept me from committing suicide. For this I will always love her. So after all of this I spent some time bouncing from job to job, and girl to girl. My father being a realtor and my mother retired (which still causes me confusion to this day cause she was always the breadwinner) they were rapidly losing money when the market fell off and now houses where being sold. This caused my father to be a taxi driver now and my mother to claim shes been looking for a job for the past like 16 months which I think is a joke. Now I'm waiting to leave for this job with the government (which was a last result) that I didn't want to take. The only upside to it is that now I am guaranteed money, alot of it and I wont be in my parents house for another year if its the last thing I do. Well its a month and a half left in 09 maybe something good will happen.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Chicks, Girls, Females, Hoes, whatever you wanna call them
Let me start off by saying I love all women, all races, all sizes. However let follow that by saying that I think girls have to be some of the dumbest creatures ever. Honestly if I have experienced some of the things that girls I know have experienced I would hate their guys yet they are still with or want to be still with them. Personally Ive done some shitty things to girls, and not because I ddidnt like them, its usually cause I thought it would be funny.
I say all of this not to say that girls should not trust guys and think they are shit but they should just be aware. Like if I get but by a dog, Im not gonna hate all dogs I would just be aware that they have teeth. Now I dont want you thinking that chcicks are perfect angels. A good friend of mine says that he has a "girls" heart, pretty much meaning that he gets attachedd quickly and actually cares for his girls. I would say that just like him I get attached hella quick, I just hide it very well and I thiink that girls that know this play on it. I fell very hard very quick for this girl who lives down the street from me and she knew this but I didnt know she had a serious boyfriend. When it all ended I almost went crazy and she still wants to be my friend and I still love her but at the same time I dont want to be in the same room as her.
Wow, that was a tangent that I didnt mean to go off on. I forgot where I was going witht this ummmmm...I think that all girls should know that there is nothing wrong with getting attached to a guy, however there are many things wrong with showing theses feelings. No guy wants to her about marriage and kids within a month, hell, no guy wants to hear about 2 or 3 years down the road after a month or so. Keep things in the now. This sounds very mean but think of a relationship like a business relationship. You cant have one party planning on expansion years down the road and the other party is just getting use to working with someone.
I say all of this not to say that girls should not trust guys and think they are shit but they should just be aware. Like if I get but by a dog, Im not gonna hate all dogs I would just be aware that they have teeth. Now I dont want you thinking that chcicks are perfect angels. A good friend of mine says that he has a "girls" heart, pretty much meaning that he gets attachedd quickly and actually cares for his girls. I would say that just like him I get attached hella quick, I just hide it very well and I thiink that girls that know this play on it. I fell very hard very quick for this girl who lives down the street from me and she knew this but I didnt know she had a serious boyfriend. When it all ended I almost went crazy and she still wants to be my friend and I still love her but at the same time I dont want to be in the same room as her.
Wow, that was a tangent that I didnt mean to go off on. I forgot where I was going witht this ummmmm...I think that all girls should know that there is nothing wrong with getting attached to a guy, however there are many things wrong with showing theses feelings. No guy wants to her about marriage and kids within a month, hell, no guy wants to hear about 2 or 3 years down the road after a month or so. Keep things in the now. This sounds very mean but think of a relationship like a business relationship. You cant have one party planning on expansion years down the road and the other party is just getting use to working with someone.
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